Words That Reflect a Life

Writing Eulogies and Obituaries

Practical prompts for gathering accurate information and speaking about a person in a natural, meaningful way.

What an obituary needs to do

An obituary announces the death, identifies the person clearly, shares selected parts of the life, names close survivors and those who died earlier, and provides service or memorial information when the family wants it published.

Start with facts: preferred name, age, place of residence, date of death if the family is publishing it, birth information, significant relationships, work, service, education, interests, community roles, and values. Confirm names and spelling with the family.

A simple obituary structure

Opening identification and announcement
A concise life story with specific details
Family members and important relationships
Service, visitation, burial, or memorial information
Memorial donation or flower preference, if any

Avoid publishing addresses, account information, or other details that create privacy or security concerns.

Preparing a eulogy

A eulogy is spoken, so write for the ear rather than the page. Choose two or three themes, support them with specific stories, and use language that sounds like you. A clear opening, a small number of connected memories, and a short closing are usually more effective than trying to summarize every year of a life.

Questions that help memories surface

What did the person make others feel?
Which habits or phrases will people remember?
What work, craft, faith, or community mattered to them?
When did they show courage, humor, generosity, or persistence?
What lesson or story has stayed with you?

Speaking during the service

Print the eulogy in a large, readable type size. Mark places to pause. Practice once or twice, bring water, and arrange for someone else to continue if you become unable to speak. Emotion does not mean you are doing it wrong; take your time.